Put It on the Altar
I woke up yesterday with an important task on my plate. Something that had been weighing on my mind for several days and now, because of my negligence, had become urgent. Each day for the past week, I had woken up and tried to tackle it on my own--and failed.The task itself was not the problem. Rather, it was my own fears and insecurities around what was otherwise a simple task that gave me trouble. I found a myriad of excuses and distractions every day to keep me from this one task. Has that ever happened to you?But yesterday, I found I had renewed energy, focus, and clarity around it and got it done--quickly and efficiently. I was completely unencumbered by the exact same fears that had paralyzed me just the day (and week) before.At noon, I texted my husband in complete relief: "It's done, and I placed the order!"With all simplicity (bi kol basata), he replied, "I put it on the altar."Staring at that text on my screen, I got a little choked up. It was humbling.
"What is man that you are mindful of him?" (Psalm 8:4)
"God is so merciful," I texted back.Here I was desperately trying to tackle the task myself, and I had no idea my husband had set all of heaven on my minuscule task. With prayer, the work was done.Now, I did not feel that this was something to pray about. Yes, I understand I am the priest's wife. I understand that I'm a Sunday school servant. How could I have missed that this was a prayerful moment? I really did feel like it was beneath God to even mention it.Or maybe that's not quite accurate. It was something a little deeper.I felt that my inability to get this task done was just a matter of my own weak will. Perhaps even a sign of laziness. I believed that God had given me everything I needed to get this done, and I was the one not living up to the bargain. That I was the failure.How often do we mistake our natural weakness as willful disobedience?Yet, when my husband put this seemingly insignificant task on the altar during the mid-week liturgy, God thawed my heart and made it possible for me to move forward.How many times do we have to read "My strength is made perfect in weakness" before it sinks in once and for all?It reminds me of a church sign I pass on my way to the grocery store. It says, "If it's worth worrying about, it's worth praying about."I would never have thought to put this worry (emotional paralysis) on the altar.The altar is for praying about college applications or an upcoming engagement--critical life milestones. It's not for my troubles. My troubles are too petty to bother God with. My troubles are my own fault, my own weakness.In his first couple of years as a priest, I would remind my husband over and over to put the needs of the congregation on the altar as he prays Divine Liturgy. All the clergy we had spoken to had emphasized that the priest cannot carry the worries and burdens of an entire congregation by himself. He needs to set it down on the altar before God and let go of any preconceived notions of his abilities.If one person is burdened by their own troubles, how much more is a priest burdened by the worries of 100+ families? It must be a super-human weight--and therefore requires God Himself to lift it.But back to you and me. When was the last time you put a prayer request on the altar? What's on your mind right now? What's worrying you? Lift it up to God right now in prayer.Then, write it down on a little slip of paper, label it as a prayer request (you wouldn't want a name read in the commemorations by mistake!), and give it to Abouna before the next Liturgy.Remember that God doesn't care how small it seems. If it's bothering you, He wants to take care of it.
Need a little peace about the U.S. presidential election? Between now and Nov. 9, I'm sending out a powerful daily verse to remind us all who is really in charge. Get in on it.