Answering Children's Questions

Parenting Lesson #4361
Children ask real, relevant, startling questions and deserve honest answers.

My daughter never asked, "Why is the sky blue?" She did ask, "Who is Jesus praying to in the garden [of Gesthemene]?" "Mama, is it hard having two kids?" "Is that Morsi?" (all of which I answered). She also asked, "What's that gray box?" at her first funeral (I declined to answer that one.)

Children take their job (to learn about the world around them) very seriously. I believe as a parent that I should also be respectful of their seriousness and answer questions honestly. My excuses for not answering are often...

1. It's a long story. 

My daughter is hilarious. Whenever I say "It's a long story" in response to a question she asks, she retorts, "I like long stories." We giggle. I tell her the long story. She listens carefully and patiently to the entire response. She'll even ask follow-up questions, if needed. If only I were so careful a listener. Because she insists and behaves so well during my answer, it's always my pleasure to answer the next time.

2. I'm busy.

Sometimes her questions come as I am wrestling a car seat and stroller in the rain. I make a point to tell her that I'm busy, that her question is important, but that I need to be in X place to do it justice. I try to be very specific, so she can remind me (because we both know I am apt to forget). So I'll say, "I have to put the stroller in the trunk and the car seat with baby in the base, and then ask me again and I will answer." Or "I'm trying to merge into traffic, and I need you to hold on until I'm all the way onto the highway so we're safe." I think blowing her off would be disrespectful, and I don't want her to get into the habit of thinking I'm always too busy for her questions.

3. I don't know. 

When I don't know, we google it. This is usually the worst because I can't google while I'm driving, and I can't remember to google it after I'm wherever we're going. But I make a point to tell her that I don't know and that she's made me curious about the answer, too.

4. I don't want to answer. 

There are times when I don't want to answer. These are the times when Abouna reminds me that a simple answer will be acceptable to a child, that my policy of "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth" doesn't have to hold up in every situation. I don't want to explain to my five-year old that the body of a very nice man I never met is in that long gray box. I don't think I can frame it in a way that doesn't give her nightmares... "It's the bed you sleep in after you die"? "It's going in the ground"? I don't know.

Abouna takes it very simply... big smile on his face... "Gedo is taking a trip to heaven! This is the vehicle he's travellng in!" And, suddenly, a big, complicated matter becomes child's play. A valid answer that doesn't leave anyone with nightmares! How would you have answered?