What Christian "Fighting" Looks Like

photo courtesy sxc.hu

A few months ago, I woke up in a cold sweat at 4 a.m. It didn't take long to figure out what disturbed my sleep. Up from the thin floor of our apartment came the sounds of our neighbors fighting bitterly. This seemingly happy, normal-looking couple was collapsing below us into screams and fits.

I couldn't sleep. I could hear every word, try as I might to bury myself in my covers. Assured that no one was in physical danger, I couldn't help but think that they were breaking every rule in the marriage fight rule book. The tone of contempt, the outrageous accusations (the you always and you nevers), the hurling of insults.

My grandmother gave me many tidbits of insider info on a successful marriage. I often rolled my eyes at this advice because it sounded like common sense. It took actually getting married to see that you often need to remind yourself of the rules. Here are just a few of the many:

1. Never insult each other, even in jest.
2. Be kind and respectful in private, just as you would in public.
2. Never run to your mother's house when there's trouble--stay and work it out.
3. Be the first to say, "I'm sorry."*

The fight was very disturbing. I'm sure other people have witnessed this kind of "dirty fighting"--many in their own household. My house was never like this. I had never heard anything like it before, and I was shaken. I kept staring at habibi wondering how he could sleep through it.

Although I don't have an mp3 player, I finally gathered my thoughts together to play tasbeha out loud on my iPad. I wanted initially to blare it through the floor, so they would get the idea to go to sleep, but I repented. I played it just loud enough so I couldn't feel the reverberating tension rising out from below my bed. "Arise, O Children of the Light..."

Keep your fights clean, so you can keep your marriage long.

*The world says that the person who says sorry has lost, but verily I say to you, the person who says sorry first wins everything that matters :). You'll note, he agrees.