Weight of the World

If I gathered all the people I have let down in my life and had them hold hands, I wonder how many times they would encircle the globe.

Today I am weighed down by all the calls I should have made, the texts I should have responded to, the work I should have done, the projects I should have started, the blog posts I should have written... and so on. The guilt is soul-crushing.

I have a friend who calls this his Superman complex (which apparently is a thing). My sister once pointed out my Superwoman complex by responding to a "That's totally my fault" with a "Not everything is about you." Somehow I have gotten it under my skin that I am responsible for everything. If it goes wrong, it's my fault. If it doesn't go through, I did it. If I don't make this call, the globe will totter off its axis and roll away.

Where is God in this worldview? My response is that God gave me this talent, task, person, and if I don't do everything exactly "right," in exactly the right time and way, I can expect a big thunderbolt to shoot down from the Heavens at me.

Now, now, you say. God isn't like that.

The verse clearly says, "To him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin" (James 4:17). For me, today, it makes every task left neglected a sin.

Yet, there is forgiveness. "For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You" (Psalm 86:5).

In order to move forward, I must forgive myself and believe that I am forgiven. Then I must put my hand to the tasks which I am able to accomplish (and which deserve priority) and do them to the best of my ability.

But, most importantly, I must believe, truly believe, that the world is God's responsibility. He is in control. He keeps the globe spinning aright. Even if He delegates a task to me and I fail in my infinite weakness, in His eternal strength He will get it done anyway--and He will forgive me and take a chance on me again tomorrow and every tomorrow.