Talking about Race with Your Child
Recently, I had my first discussion on race with my daughter. It started like this:
"Mama, my skin and your skin are the same. And daddy's skin is the same too."
"You're right! Hmmm. It's nice, isn't it? I like our skin." (thinking: what are we talking about exactly?)
"Mama, some of the kids at school have brown skin." (Oh, phew! Color... I can handle that.)
"Yeah! Isn't it beautiful, too? All skin is nice. Everything God makes is beautiful."
I wasn't sure--did I handle it ok? I realized though that surely there are resources to help me out here. Maybe I should have read up ahead of time. Honestly, I was surprised it took so long (I was expecting these comments at age three). It won't be long before she realizes her best friend has much lighter skin and hair than she does. And I wonder how long before she realizes that the world is completely distorted to "appreciate" that more.
In an article on About.com called "Talking to Kids About Race," the author Nadra Kareem Nittle reminds us that anti-racism can be taught. It's a pretty hush-hush topic that racism is rampant among Egyptians. I'll never forget watching Oprah on a trip to Egypt and seeing "Fair and Lovely" commercials in between. As a mostly liberal Egyptian-American teenager, I was pretty horrified. It will take constant vigilance and God's help, but I will raise an unprejudiced child (as much as such a thing is possible in this skewed society). This begins with monitoring my own actions, reactions, and verbal comments.
If you haven't seen this video yet, I highly recommend it (rated PG13 for satirical racism and one bad word). I think it's pretty brilliant and spot-on. I have actually been present at a "I don't think of you as black" discussion--horrifying. And this video of a modern high school student repeating the Clark doll study was one of those life-altering, paradigm-shifting moments of my young life. It changed the way I think and talk about beauty 180 degrees.
Here are a few more helpful resources for parents and if you have any ideas, share them in the comments :):
Talking to Kids about Race by Nittle
5 Tips for Talking about Racism with Kids by Emmons
The Danger of Not Talking to Your Kids about Race by Dell'Antonia
Q&A for Parents About Discussing Race With Children by Merryman