"Liturgy" Memos from the Postpartum Trenches

I thought Divine Liturgy was a special time for prayer and worship. Now Divine Liturgy is just a test of my patience, perseverance, and endurance.

I have only been to four or five liturgies since having this baby, and I feel like it's been much harder than the first time around for various reasons. The first is that my new church, unlike my old one, has relatively few children in it. In my old church, there are usually about 15-30 crying children at liturgy; the number here is closer to two. In my old church, I had too many helpers: my mother, my grandmother, my mom's best friend, my aunt, my sisters. There was always someone to take over the soothing. Here, it's me and my daughter working our hardest and often just ducking out. There, no one noticed if I came in or went out or what time I arrived to liturgy. Here... I'm Tasoni. I'm sure more people than I'd like take note. And lastly, my son sleeps well at night and so, unlike his sister, doesn't use liturgy as nap time.

I can't expect to actually pray... and even to be in the sanctuary for any set period of time is too high an expectation.